Sunday, January 19, 2014

Fit Shaming

Now that I have officially joined the mommy brigade, I've become privy to an interesting phenomenon; something I call fit shaming. Fit shaming occurs when a woman, usually a mom, becomes so enraged by another woman's recent weight loss or quick bounce back from a pregnancy that they feel the need to actively hate on them.

Nothing gets moms more fired up than the topic of post baby bodies. There are typically two very passionate reactions. One group of mommies will cite society's unhealthy obsession over weight and body image and rage against US Weekly for putting new celebrity moms on the cover of their magazines wearing bikinis. The other group of moms will simply admit that they want to bounce back from their pregnancy and have aggressively started an eating and exercising regime to get there. The "fit shamers" tend to fall into the first category. They also tend to be a little overweight.

I first encountered fit shaming many years ago, before I had a child. I used to work at elementary school in a very upper middle class neighborhood. Long, lithe mommies in skinny jeans and hooker boots were not an uncommon site. So while making small talk in the copy room I casually mentioned how I thought one of my student's moms looked amazing. This particular mom had just given birth to twins and was rocking a Victoria's Secret body. No joke. But instead of a nod of agreement, I got awkward silence. Crickets. Then another coworker, who happened to overhear my comment, playfully grabbed my elbow, leaned in and whispered, "If I had $5000 for a tummy tuck I'd look just as good." A hearty round of fit shaming ensued.

Then there's the Maria Kang incident. If you don't already know, Maria Kang, a mother of three, posted the following picture to her Facebook.

www.facebook.com/MariaMKang

Chaos ensued. It seemed every morning news show was debating the "What's your excuse?" tag line. Angry women across the country were screaming into microphones about unrealistic body image and fat shaming. Really? I'm a new mom but I wasn't exactly enraged when I saw the post. Was it obnoxious? Sure. But there are tons of obnoxious Facebook posts. We all have that one "friend" who posts inappropriate bikini pictures or status updates like, "I actually lost 5 lbs on vacation!" Who gives a shit.

Then last Saturday my phone started to blow up. I was looped in a group message by some mommy friends. It went something like this:

Mom1: Leslie from Yo Gabba Gabba lost like a 100 lbs. Makes me want to slit my fat wrists.

Mom2: Has to be gastric bypass surgery.

Mom1: I hate Leslie. Let's throw rocks at her or better yet, bacon.

For the record I've never watched an episode of Yo Gabba Gabba. My son is thankfully too young to be interested in that craziness. Besides, Muno looks like a giant infected penis. Gah!

http://yogabbagabba.com

I think you get the idea. So why am I writing this post? I was recently on the receiving end of some  fit shaming.

I'll be the first to admit that I don't want to be a fat, frumpy mom. Honestly, who does? So when I started posting healthy recipes and fitness routines on Pinterest I was shocked by the backlash I got from a close friend. She insinuated that worrying about post baby weight was selfish and that I should focus on being a parent instead. "You will never get your pre-baby body back," she said. "Those people that do have nannies and personal trainers." Basically she wanted me to drink the fat mom Kool Aid and start shopping at Lane Bryant. Sorry I don't buy it. I'm pretty sure you can workout, eat well and still be a great parent. So stop hating people. Some of us just want to look good. You can too.



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